Self Care During Family Member Medical Crisis: Part 1 Reactionss

My blogging plan for the New Year has been derailed, and a new one defined.  A family medical emergency changed my focus.  My blog – at least for now – is very personal though my intent is for it to be educational. I will focus on the successes and challenges of attending to my self-care during this difficult time. This ties in to the original blog focus on self-care. The original blog plan will be back on track in due time. Now that I have written the first 3300 words, I know it is therapeutic.

The Crisis

On Thursday, January 3 at 4 p.m. I received the phone call none of us want to get: one of my dearest close relatives (DCR) was admitted to the hospital with life threatening double pneumonia.  The distressed voice on the phone let me know the severity of the situation within seconds. My voice and body started shaking. My normal work day turned into a focused quest to travel north immediately.  My blog, drafted and planned for Friday, was the last thing on my mind.  

To fully understand the situation one must know that DCR is multiply handicapped.  Her rare condition leaves her susceptible to a cascade of additional life threatening medical issues. Resolving double pneumonia is only the first step in her recovery.  While I may mention DCR’s condition generally to create a context, details about my family and the medical issues will be omitted out of respect for their privacy. 

Reactions

Anyone who has received shocking news will understand my reactions.  It took about 15 minutes for my body to stop shaking.  My thinking was both focused (I must get there as soon as I can) and disorganized (I felt like I was going in circles trying to get things done). 

Focus prevailed when it came to scheduling a flight.  I went to the Delta website and saw immediately that their schedule did not accommodate my needs.  Using a website like Travelocity seemed too overwhelming.  Our family has a AAA  membership so I called AAA Travel Services.  The kind woman on the other end of the line was able to get me to my destination at 11:15 p.m.  My 6:20 flight gave me little time to pack and drive to the airport.  There was no time to think about what was going on, though every cell of my body was reacting to the news.

Packing was a different issue.  Decisions about what to take were difficult to make.  Thank goodness the laundry was done and I had plenty of clean clothes.  I packed my favorite new sweaters and the jeans our daughter  suggested I try.  At least I would feel good about how I looked while the rest of me was a jumble.

Next: Elements of Self-Care

Figley Institute's Picks of the Week: Compassion Stress (2012-4)

The Importance of Self-Care Buddies

I am a strong advocate of the self-care planning process, which is outlined in the Standards of Self-Care developed by international experts in the topics of traumatic stress and compassion fatigue (Green Cross Academy of Traumatology). Self-Care strategies include regularly monitoring progress; and meeting regularly with your self-care buddy to discuss successes, challenges, and ways to overcome challenges. As a self-care buddy, you may learn about strategies which will help your buddy move past a challenge. A multi-pronged approach to good self-care might include information such as that provided in the section below:  The Importance of Counterbalancing Stress.

Buddy Check - How are You Doing?

It's almost the end of January, the first day of the month in which some of you started your New Year's Resolutions.  In my first blog of the year I offered a link to to Four Things to Strive for in 2012 (do you remember them?); and offered a fifth: Be gentle with yourself! 

In keeping with the concept of self-care buddies, I'm checking in with you. Are you satisfied with your progress? What are your successes and challenges?  Your feedback will inspire future blogs.  I'm serious! Write to me at krf@figleyinstitute.com with your stories.


The Importance of Counterbalancing Stress

Those of you who have followed my work know that I frequently quote Dr. John Wilson from the video "When Helping Hurts: Sustaining Trauma Workers".  Dr. Wilson states: "It's important to counterbalance the intensity of the work you do." At the Gift from Within website you will find this video and others, along with brief (FREE) video excerpts, such as "What is Compassion Fatigue?"  If you are interested in reading more, Gift from Within has posted a dozen FREE articles about Compassion Fatigue by leading experts in the field.

This morning I finished writing "Counterbalancing Stress", the first of my promised six entries for the Encyclopedia of Trauma, due to be published in September. In this entry I highlight four strategies for inducing the relaxation response:  breath work, meditation, progressive relaxation and visualization/guided imagery.  Regardless of whether stress is primary or secondary, these strategies are effective when practiced regularly.  You can read more about them in one of my favorite resources: The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook. One or more of these strategies may fit nicely into your self-care plan or that of your buddy.


A Note of Gratitude

Expressing gratitude is an element of good self-care. Many of you signed up for Figley Institute's Compassion Fatigue Educator course.  I'm delighted about this for two reasons: 1) most important, you understand that compassion stress is a real phenomena and are taking steps to address it at a personal level; and 2) some of you are instituting organizational change which translates to healthier work environments for those who work with people who are suffering. To you I express my deepest gratitude. 

PS  Sign up for the Compassion Fatigue Educator course by January 31 to receive this months' special rate.  Enter promo code govt.