Self Care During Family Member Medical Crisis: Part 1 Reactionss

My blogging plan for the New Year has been derailed, and a new one defined.  A family medical emergency changed my focus.  My blog – at least for now – is very personal though my intent is for it to be educational. I will focus on the successes and challenges of attending to my self-care during this difficult time. This ties in to the original blog focus on self-care. The original blog plan will be back on track in due time. Now that I have written the first 3300 words, I know it is therapeutic.

The Crisis

On Thursday, January 3 at 4 p.m. I received the phone call none of us want to get: one of my dearest close relatives (DCR) was admitted to the hospital with life threatening double pneumonia.  The distressed voice on the phone let me know the severity of the situation within seconds. My voice and body started shaking. My normal work day turned into a focused quest to travel north immediately.  My blog, drafted and planned for Friday, was the last thing on my mind.  

To fully understand the situation one must know that DCR is multiply handicapped.  Her rare condition leaves her susceptible to a cascade of additional life threatening medical issues. Resolving double pneumonia is only the first step in her recovery.  While I may mention DCR’s condition generally to create a context, details about my family and the medical issues will be omitted out of respect for their privacy. 

Reactions

Anyone who has received shocking news will understand my reactions.  It took about 15 minutes for my body to stop shaking.  My thinking was both focused (I must get there as soon as I can) and disorganized (I felt like I was going in circles trying to get things done). 

Focus prevailed when it came to scheduling a flight.  I went to the Delta website and saw immediately that their schedule did not accommodate my needs.  Using a website like Travelocity seemed too overwhelming.  Our family has a AAA  membership so I called AAA Travel Services.  The kind woman on the other end of the line was able to get me to my destination at 11:15 p.m.  My 6:20 flight gave me little time to pack and drive to the airport.  There was no time to think about what was going on, though every cell of my body was reacting to the news.

Packing was a different issue.  Decisions about what to take were difficult to make.  Thank goodness the laundry was done and I had plenty of clean clothes.  I packed my favorite new sweaters and the jeans our daughter  suggested I try.  At least I would feel good about how I looked while the rest of me was a jumble.

Next: Elements of Self-Care

Figley Institute Training Needs Assessment

August 14, 2009

Figley Institute Senior Faculty want to ensure that your most urgent training needs are met. To this end, we are seeking input from people like you who have an interest in disasters - human caused and natural - and trauma. Your participation in the needs assessment is anonymous. Please share your thoughts with us.

Thank you for taking a few minutes of your time to help us continue to provide cutting edge trauma training.

Best regards,

Dr. Kathleen Regan Figley, President

Figley Institute

Direct link to Training Needs Assessment

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=JWzkphqlNHahnhKdnqqO9Q_3d_3d

DISASTER RECOVERY: "Second Disaster" Stress

DISASTER DIALOGUE addresses the stress and suffering caused by disaster. You may experience additional stress from the disaster application process. That is called THE SECOND DISASTER. Here you will find ways to take the power out of the stress and pain of your disaster experiences, and replace them with ones that speak to calmness and peace of mind. Moving beyond the stressors may take a bit of time, so remember to be patient with yourself and your loved ones. Let's start with the basics.

Over the past 16 years I have worked with people who survived disasters throughout the US and internationally. In my experience, people who have disaster stress reactions are relieved to know that what they are experiencing is to be expected under their circumstances. That knowledge alone reduces stress. Below are a some resources and a few quick tips.

WEB RESOURCES: There are lots of great websites that address disasters and ways to cope with disaster stress. I have listed several at www.figleyinstitute.com/resource.html My favorite site is David Baldwin's Trauma Pages, Disaster Handouts and Links. There you will find a wealth of information for individuals, families, children, and disaster workers. Understanding the disaster application process will help reduce SECOND DISASTER stress. I've listed several sites which are helpful if you must apply for flood insurance or FEMA assistance.

PREPARE FOR THE SECOND DISASTER! Mother Nature imposed the first disaster on your life. The disaster recovery process will impose the second. Documentation and the bureaucracy around disaster assistance, even under the best of circumstances, can be frustrating and seem like it is never ending. Ask questions!!! Before you end your phone call with an insurance agent, FEMA worker or any other disaster worker ask this: What is the next step after this one? Also ask: Is there anyone else I should be contacting other than you/your agency? Is there anything else you need from me that you do not have yet? The most difficult part of the disaster application process is not knowing that there is something else that may be needed.

STRESS REACTIONS: If you are having stress reactions you are normal. If you feel confused and overwhelmed at times, that is to be expected due to the additional stressors of the disaster impact. If you are more irritable than usual, you are expressing the stress. If you are fussy with your spouse about things that normally do not bother you, you are turning to your trusted other for relief. There is something wrong, and your body and emotions are signaling that message. The part that must be addressed is the behavior that may be hurtful to others. Be aware of what you are doing and why. Make sure you do not take out your stress on those who are closest to you. Take caution when making big decisions. It may be better to delay until after things are closer to your life before the disaster.

SIGNS OF STRESS: The ways that people experience stress in day-to-day life are the ways that they likely will experience disaster stress, only more so. For example, if you get a headache after a bad day at work, you will likely have headaches in the next few weeks. If you rarely get headaches, you may get them more frequently. If the stresses are severe, you may start getting headaches when you never have had them before. Under that circumstance it is best to see your doctor to be certain that there are no underlying medical reasons for the headache. You may have more trouble concentrating at work. That makes sense. Your mind is processing alot of information. Just like a computer that has too much data for its storage system, your mind has more input that it can readily process. It's okay to slow down some in the short term.

CHILDREN AND PETS: If you have children and pets, you will find that their stress reactions mirror yours. If you are calm and in good spirits, they will be as well. If you are irritable, they will be fussy and irritable too. If your children are acting up, let that be a signal that you may need to take a few minutes to calm yourself before you address their behavior. Make sure that your children understand that it is not their fault that you are upset or angry, and be sure to apologize if you have said or done something that was hurtful to them, just like you would with your spouse. Children bounce back fast under the guidance of your love and attention.

HOW TO COPE: The advice given to you by your mother and your doctor is particularly relevant now: eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and get good sleep. There are other things you can do that will provide relief: talk to people you trust, write down your thoughts (in a journal or on a piece of paper to be thrown away later), take a break from disaster related tasks and have some fun. As an example, really listen to music you love that makes you feel good. As an added benefit, dance to the music and you get in a bit of aerobic exercise! Fun is a great antidote to stress. Make sure the children you love have a chance to have some fun too.

This educational tool is provided as a service to the general public courtesy of Figley Institute.